June 2011
36 posts
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I Just Believe In Me
To every conservative out there who suddenly has a “new-found respect” for John Lennon after reading that story in the Toronto Sun about how he was a “closet Republican” in the final years of his life, I just want you to know that you’re a moron (no offense).
Seriously, if you didn’t like him before, and you thought he was a communist, or a dumb hippy, or...
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“Thanks for giving us your view of the world as seen through the progressive...”
– Don’t you wanna strangle this guy? Not because of his politics, but because of his tone. Jesus H. Christ, is every conservative commenter this big of a jerk? All I wanted was a discussion. My bad.
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“This is the type of issue that the voters themselves should decide,” says Brian Brown of The National Organization for Marriage. “It shouldn’t be decided by legislators who can be bought or sold, and in every state this is put to a direct vote, marriage has won.”
Yea, because the gays are such an influential lobby.
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This is a headline I saw on the Huffington Post, a site I peruse occasionally but never take seriously because they put stuff like this on the front page:
This is porn star “Norma Stitz”, which, if said quickly and a little incorrectly, sounds just like “Enormous Tits!” And let me tell you, she’s got em. Enormous tits, that is.
See? I told you. That is Norma...
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Scraps II, pt. II
Religion never really worked on me because I never paid well enough attention. I attribute that to the copious amounts of sugar and caffeine I’ve been fed since I was a baby.
In what would have to be my first memory, I am drinking cold cafe au lait out of a Fred Flintstone bottle at about age three. Sure, I have that memory, most probably because I love coffee so much (same reason I...
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As a fan of Jon Stewart, and as a liberal myself, I can tell you, he’s not an activist. If he wasn’t so funny and on-point, no one would pay attention to him. He doesn’t make “liberal” points, he just puts a mirror to the absurd news channels, and they hate it. It just so happens that one of the most absurd is Fox News. Just because Fox News is a terrible right-wing...
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AND STAY DOWN
animalsbeingdicks:
Ted thought little Jimmy needed a bath.
I guarantee you this kid deserved it. Dogs just know.
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The Coolest
One day, I found this at a thrift store:
It’s a video that Kellogg’s offered for a handful of Pop-Tart UPC’s. It opens with Paula Poundstone doing roughly twenty minutes of mostly Pop-Tart material. She is talking about Pop-Tarts, while holding a box of Pop-Tarts in her hand, and on the brick wall behind her is an extremely large and distracting Pop-Tart sign. She opted out of...
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Scraps II, pt. I
Sometimes I think I might be a complete idiot. Or Autistic.
I don’t know what I thought I was going to be when I was a teenager. My main goal was to “defy statistics”. I wanted to stand out because of what I didn’t do and what I didn’t believe in. I hated the idea of being just like anyone else. Non-conformity isn’t really enlightening if all it leads to is...
Scraps pt I.I
Rosie never sent me anything in the mail, save for once, I just learned to lower my expectations when it came to regular correspondence. Yeah, most people wouldn’t put up with that shit, but I did. I put up with a lot of her shit because I was taught that it was necessary to put up with a lot of shit in order to make things work. What I apparently hadn’t learned is that there are other...
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Scraps pt I
I had no business still chasing Rosie. I spent valuable energy that would have been better spent on forwarding my career, snagging stage time, meeting new people, writing; hustling.
The awful truth was that I hadn’t learned the important lessons one gains from a good utter failure. I didn’t recognize failure staring me right in the eyes, making faces and mocking me. I ignored its...
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Overheard outside one of the Forefathers'...
FF1: Here is my vision: An enormous country, split into fifty or so, spanning thousands upon thousands of miles, with influence all over the world. It will consist of every type of person, living amongst each other in relative harmony. Everyone will strive to do their best and succeed to provide for themselves and their family.
FF2: How big should the central government be for this massive nation?
FF1: Oh, small. Very very small.
FF2: So, you eventually want a fifty-state nation made up of all different peoples, all with their own respective local governments, and you want the central government to be small.
FF1: Yes. Small and weak.
FF2: Why?
FF1: It just sounds good. I dunno. Big government sounds real scary. Big anything sounds scary to me, really.
FF2: Will there be access to free health care?
FF1: Sure, I mean, in a roundabout way. Is that kind of thing important?
FF2: Who let you in here?
FF1: Who cares, I'm a fat white guy in a powder wig. Now are we gonna build this country or not?
FF2: I'm afraid I won't be around to see it. I have smallpox.
FF1: I, too, have smallpox. May God have mercy on our souls.
FF2: There is no God. *cough cough*. When I die, I'm gonna be dead, and that's that.
FF1: That may be true, but *cough cough* religion can be government's best friend. (spits blood)
FF2: (sits down) (dies)
FF1: (collapses) (dies)
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