Seth Cockfield LOL

The Internet: “If we can’t joke about rape, what else is off-limits? Racism? The Holocaust? Retards? Midgets?”

No, but God forbid you make a joke about yourself! Fuck! If your comedy really is “just jokes” and your act doesn’t reveal a thing about you, and your joke about rape really was completely contrived for the sake of shock, and OF COURSE you don’t hate women at all, then the real offense is you’re boring.

Whenever a comedy controversy occurs involving a comedian’s joke upsetting an audience member, the one thing that sticks in my craw is when I hear another comedian say “I’m tired comedians getting criticized by people who know nothing about comedy.”

If the entire audience is clueless about comedy, then wouldn’t that mean their laughs mean nothing? If they know nothing about comedy, then why tell them jokes in the first place? 

Comedians who constantly defend bad rape jokes are a lot like gun nuts who defend assault rifles. They don’t want a real debate on the merits of some comedy because they don’t want to admit that some comedy has no merit, just like some guns have no merit. And just like the gun nuts invoke the Founding Fathers, you hear comedians citing the roads paved by Lenny Bruce, George Carlin and Bill Hicks to help their argument. Newsflash: They’re dead, and they’re not here to vouch for you. They may have helped shape some of our ideas, but they didn’t issue us a blank check with which to pummel the audience with unfunny, “dark” material, so stop invoking them.

Just once I’d like to see a disgraced comedian admit that maybe their dumb joke about rape was indeed ignorant and that they could see where the offended party was coming from, instead of hiding behind the defense of friends and other comedians who weren’t there. Tell all the rape jokes you want, but at least own them. If the best comedy comes from truth, and you do a ton of jokes in which women die or get raped, the problem the audience has isn’t really that your jokes are “offensive” or that they didn’t “get it”, it’s that you come off as a creep with disturbing, violent fantasies, and you simply can’t force people to like that.

To those who sometimes read this tumblr, I don’t always and not even often post funny stuff. Comedians are people too, and this is my outlet. So expect serious rants, weird stuff, silly stuff, lol-y type stuff, sad stuff misc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc

I’ll never forget the day my conservative brother told me he was glad health care in America is expensive. 

He was more honest with me than he would have been with anyone else because he’s my brother. He felt it with such conviction that I could hear his teeth clench over the phone. 

Conservatives simply don’t want poor people to have access to health care. They’ve been taught to hate the idea of being poor, because they associate it with personal failure, which is wrong on its face.

It’s not a matter of “we have a better idea for the country”, it’s just “we have a better idea for us.”

Modern observations from the past decade

• People are right. I’m an angry person. I’m working on reigning that in.
• I misunderstand as much as I’m misunderstood, probably more.
• Don’t start an argument you can’t win. Same goes for fighting, but that lesson is more
• Don’t start fights at all. Also,
• Don’t write checks your butt can’t cash.
• You know what, don’t cash checks with your butt at all.
• How bout not using checks in the first place, grandpa.
• You won’t get very far starting sentences with “You should”, “You shouldn’t”, “Why don’t you” and “Get out”.
• I had a terrifying childhood and I knew it the whole time; like being awake while having a tooth pulled.
• I have a lot of life left to live, and I’m not worried about a goddamn thing.

More to come.

So, I just watched HBO’s Mea Maxima Culpa. As soon as I was done primally screaming, my first clear thoughts were “I want to officially leave the Catholic church” and “How do I do that?”

With my blood still good and boiling, I googled it, and to my chagrin/dismay (chamay), I cannot formally defect, privately or publicly. No one can, because The Vatican recently removed that practice from Canon Law. No more formal defections. 

*shakes fist at the sky* Ratzingerrrrrrr!!!!

Hmm. 

It seems that the anti-gay religious crowd are against homosexuality not only because it’s a sin, but also that “all the studies show that most child molesters are gay”. 

That second reason is why they don’t want the Boy Scouts of America to allow LGBT people involved in their community, and why they don’t want their kids “exposed to the risk of child abuse.” And yet, seriously, they make their own kids go listen to a priest speak every week, and if they’re not homeschooling them, they’re sending them to religious schools connected to a church. I mean, while we’re making negative associations, how do they ignore how often victims come forward and say they were molested by priests?

I know a little bit about priests. Priests are weird people. Every priest I ever had made me very uncomfortable. When I was 7-10 years old, Father H.L. was the Monsignor. He was funny sometimes in his sermons, which won him my approval, and so I didn’t really think about it when he’d massage my shoulders while I waited in line for the bathroom. I mean, he massaged other kids boys, too, and in public, but you know what? The first things I learned about priests were that they can talk to God, and they molest kids.

I always heard old stories about past priests at my very school who were accused of “molestation”. It made me very afraid and very mistrustful of them. I luckily never got more than an “innocent” massage, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen to others in my classroom. 

Another priest I had was Father LaRose. Again, funny sermons (very important; there’s nothing scarier than a potential child molester who isn’t even funny), but he clearly had a serious drinking problem, not to mention he had a filthy mouth and no respect for children.

Priests!

Do these Family Research Council nutbars really think that some people choose to be gay, and then immediately start molesting boys? What about gay priests? They chose to be gay and then chose to be priests and it’s okay as long as they don’t tell anybody?” What’s that about?

And why do they pay attention to this one “statistic” about gay molesters but generally ignore other data about everything else from science to guns to every other facet of human behavior? They love that one little statistic. And why shouldn’t they when it’s their own creation?

Geddy Lee goes to a very popular bar. The bouncer asks, “are you on the list?”

“I’m Geddy Lee.”

The bouncer slowly peruses the list. 

“I’m in Rush.”

Bouncer peruses much faster.

The Funniest Person in Austin contest is over. The contest that I stayed in Austin to do (while saving as much as I could) has come and gone. Although I reached one of my goals (finals), I didn’t reach my ultimate goal (third place), and so I’m packing a lunch and heading to New York City with an adjusted perspective.

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